Life is different for everybody, life can also be the same for everybody. I guess you can correct me if I’m wrong cuz I love to be corrected (in a justified way). The reason why I’m even writing this is because I’ve been fighting with life, (DUH, everybody is) but I’m not getting through it as easy as some might be.
It’s funny how human nature can be so predictable. You want things you can’t get, you don’t want the things you have. When you realize what you had is what you truly want, by then it is already too late. Some understand this, alot don’t. For the people that disagrees with me, here’s a warning; YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.
Cherish what you have, before you lose it all. If you’re lucky, you might be able to get it back, but don’t expect it to happen to everybody.
Life is tough, it always will be, and it will get tougher as time passes. What can you do about it? It is super important to keep an open perspective over everything but it is of course easier said then done. That’s why friends and family is so important to be there to keep you on check. The ones that can do it on their own, I give you my respect. That is a tough feat, for anybody to do.
How do you juggle so many things at once when times are crucial? School, work, friends, family, love relationships, agreements, personal hobbies, personal goals, and etc. It’s hard to keep a good overall balance for everything, and when one can learn that, it makes life so much easier. That’s what I have trouble doing, balancing everything out. I THOUGHT I can but it’s pretty damn difficult. Life throws you so many fastballs and curve balls that you get confused, which one will give you a homerun…
In my current state, I am seriously in a tough position. Alot of people don’t see it but that’s because I’ve learned to hide it very well. Why bother YOU with my problems? They’re not yours, why would give a bloody damn about my problems? I learned that the hardway, thinking that if I give you my 100%, I’ll get your 100% in return. Well guess what? The road never goes both ways. If it does, consider yourself fortunate.
If no one reads this, I can careless, I think the reason why I’m even writing this to make sure my English doesn’t get any worse than it already has. I’m a college drop out and I’m pretty proud of it and I have to make sure I don’t allow myself to become worse. Did that even make any sense? Fuck me.
Meditating on what I am up against, I am seriously seriously terrified. I am so terrified, I have nightmares every night. I look myself in the mirror and wonder, will I ever the see the day of light? The only way to stay sane is to be optimistic about the situation and bank on luck and God that everything works out. Because if it doesn’t, I am seriously FUCKED. I am Christian, (sad to say cuz I’m a horrible example) everything happens for a reason. God already planned out my life. As a result, it makes it easier to just tell myself that when I start to doubt. I can only wait and see why God has put me in this situation and not the person actually reading this ridiculous ranting.
So much stress, so much worries, so many concerns, so much responsibilities, so much work, so much bullshit to put up with, SO MUCH TO FUCKING DO! I always tell myself, at least you’re here and not in a third world country with one arm and one leg.
I do not allow failure. It is not an option in my rulebook. I don’t know HOW to handle failure. How does ANYBODY accept defeat?
If you lose to life’s game, how do you recover from it? Yes there’s the saying, once you fall all the way back down, you can only go up. It’s hard to understand yourself, and many people THINK they understand themselves but truely, they don’t. I’m one of them.
When you’re in a situation where you have no room to make mistakes, and the only way out of this situation is to succeed. If you don’t, you hit rockbottom, how do you handle this situation without any help? Imagine the pressure and the fear one can have when you CANNOT fail, because if you do, you’re not only failing yourself, but your entire family and friends fail with you. Sadly to say, I am the only chance for financial survival in my family, that load is on my shoulders, that responsibility is mine. I can be proud if I succeed, and know that I am capable of anything, and if I fail, then what? You lose your friends, your family, your credibility, your manhood, your respect, everything you will ever worked up to your entire life. You hit rockbottom.
Can I allow myself to let life just boss me around like that? How do you make sure that doesn’t happen?
Confused, tired, fustrated, worried, lost, stressed are just the daily emotions that I have to go through. I am simply ending it here. I will not post till I see a peak of light. Please, if you are reading this, HOPE that I get to see that peak of light, HOPE that I’ll be back with another post. Hope that this blog doesn’t die.
TK FTF (?) hopefully Win.
