I’ve found myself always looking back since the beginning of this year and reminding myself what I’ve already gone through; the goods, the bads. Whether it’d be the ups or the downs regardless of what it is, I find everything, ohhh just a tad bland. There’s no taste, no color, no feelings. I don’t find things interesting, I don’t find people interesting, I don’t understand new concepts.
I’ve lost the power of motivation, I’ve lost the respect for manners, I’ve come to a really boring flat personality. Why? I don’t know. I feel a little lost, I feel almost dead.
I see others working so hard and making sure everything’s perfect, always trying to make new things happen and reaching their goals and I envy them for having that motivation. I envy myself when I was 16 and SO motivated and working hard to reach my goals which I have. Now don’t get it wrong, I do have goals still but it just seems like I don’t care anymore. I’ve grown a shell out of my self where I almost shun every good and opportunity away.
*shrug* When I was 16, this is how I looked: ^_^ Now, this is how I am about almost everything: -___________-
Blegh! I need something to bring me back to a high. Somebody save me.